"Gotta get myself happy"

Such a week of lessons and how fitting that I haven't posted since last year's evacuation. Kinda emphasizes the lethargic way that I've been letting the days slip away and the petty bullshit that I've let become roadblocks. Really over the whole Katrina thing, absolutely ridiculous that almost 4 years later I'm still sitting here with a gutted second floor, my life packed in boxes and gritting my teeth as the fema trash next door frolic about with not a job held by any of them. Geez, think that last one makes me the most crazy but the neighborhood has had enough and fingers crossed that they'll be outta here this week. LOL, think we all have the police, animal control and code enforcement on speed dial now but seems to have done the trick. Once they're gone, think Jim will quit wavering about moving and go ahead and finish my house. Snort, a garage full of my dream appliances might actually get installed!!!

Working towards being optimistic here ~ I've already ordered replacements for my flatware...I'm sure that I could have rented a backhoe to turn over the backyard and found the missing pieces(I'm convinced that the kiddos hauled it outside to dig in their pit), actually the backhoe might have been cheaper but wth. I've found a furniture restoration place to do the more "important" family pieces and I'm ready to tackle the pieces that I'm comfortable doing myself. LMAO, the one good thing about Samantha being 1000 miles away is she won't catch me until it's to late, little witch is siding with her daddy and wants me to get new furniture...no fun in that! She forgets that half the fun of being from New Orleans is embracing the eclectic and ordering a room from Herwitz Mintz just doesn't cut it. I let Jim talk me into that a couple of years ago and I'd give my eyeteeth to have my old coffee table back, not gonna make that mistake again. Sigh, no clue why Jim's gotta have his nose in my domain anyway, he's already giving me grief over the new dishes, might have to buy 2 different sets to shut him up.

The resolution to quit waiting and just do what I want was really brought home by the death of Michael Jackson. Wow, regardless of what he did or didn't do, he was an absolute genius and did leave behind a musical legacy that brough joy to millions. I can't help but smile as his songs play, so many bring happy memories of both my childhood and childrens' childhoods. Samantha at 4, throwing herself on that red pleather jacket and refusing to leave the store without it. Setting the rhinestones into her little white glove, ignoring the labor pains for Jerry so she could wear it to dancing that night. Guess I should acknowledge the fact that my daughter has ALWAYS had her own opinions on fashion. Jacob at 3, doing his MJ impersonation, just hysterical. And we can't forget the time I hired Mother Goose to perform at Mamp's b'day party but all the little girls wanted to do was dance to Thriller (Mother Goose was not a happy camper). MJ dying, somebody that seemed so ageless and electric, a huge realization that tomorrow isn't a guarantee by any means, we have to get off our asses and make every single day count.

The last lesson of the week was brought home by a few of us helping a friend clear out her mother's house. I had never met Steph's mom but really felt a kinship....boxes and boxes and boxes of every imaginable craft poured into the area where we were setting up the garage sale. Steph, Heather and Cori, all shook their heads and questioned the sanity of someone with totes of unfinished projects, bins of fabric, more books than the craft section at Barnes&Noble and bags not touched since they were brought home from the store. Seriously every handcraft well represented, scrapping, quilting, french handsewing, smocking, painting, needlepoint, x-stitch, beading...snort, this was a woman that I understood! While the "young ones" were thinking "crazy", I was thinking about the enthusiasm for creating, for learning new things, to be busy and productive. Each bag, tote, box, book and kit representing an exciting new adventure, hope and optimism shown with each purchase, a dream of what is possible...I got it. It's funny, these 3 little friends of mine, all scrapbookers but I realized that doesn't automatically mean crafters. I couldn't let all those possibilities be thrown out into the world of plain old garage sales, made a few phone calls and was lucky enough to cross the path of some ladies with email lists and those hardcore crafters turned out in droves. Yesterday was absolute bliss, to be surrounded by women that understood what each piece of paper and skein of thread really meant. To meet new friends (I came home with several new phone numbers and invitations in my pocket), to run into a couple of old friends that I had lost track of, plans for lunches and crops and stitch and bitch sessions, glorious. But what touched me the most was the concern for the woman that had assembled such a fabulous stash (each one quite happy that she hadn't passed on but had moved to a new state to live with her family) and the plans each woman had for her newfound treasures (bags, quilts, hats and gowns for the pediatric wards across the city, projects to be made for children and grandchildren, supplies to be used in teaching others to sew and scrap and paint).
To be honest, there were several lessons to be acknowledged at Steph's this week...
-time spent helping a friend, even in the smallest way, is always worthwhile
-quit hoarding the good stuff, just use it (always embraced this with my china and crystal, gotta learn to carry it through to the antique swiss batiste and scrapbook paper)
-friends are precious, no matter how busy life is, make time to touch base and let them know you're thinking about them
-the quiet dignity of a caring person is appreciated that much more after being around an abrasive jackass, you'd think that was a given but evidently not, gotta admit I've forgotten a time or two
-either finish the damn thing or get rid of it, no room in life for halfassed, now if we could just get this through Jim's head to

Kinda missing the 3 people in my life that would recognize my title quote, wonder where my happy hat is.

xanax, pictures and jewelry

What started out as an attempt at humor just isn't gonna be. I'm freaked. Didn't think I'd be but I am. Born and raised in New Orleans. Hurricanes are just something we live with. Like tornadoes, earthquakes and snowstorms in other parts of the country, you deal with it. Maybe two days out, you batten down the hatches, make your "special" groceries (water, batteries, sandwich makings and tons of junk food) and set up shop around the tv, watching and waiting. As a child I never once evacuated. Daddy would pull the boat up beside the house, tying ropes to it and running them through an upstairs window to tie it off, he'd board up the windows and Mama would make a pot of red beans and stock up on spam. Marrying a man from Mississippi, whose father was a captain in the National Guard and was deployed to the coast immediately after Camille, the word evacuate came into my vocabulary. We've hauled our stuff from the bottom floor to the top, said a prayer, locked the doors and headed for highground quite a few times in our 30 years of marriage. To Monticello, Baton Rouge or once just driving til we couldn't drive anymore and sleeping in the van in a parking lot but always just being gone a night or two and then heading home. It's just what we do being from here, it's worth it, always has been, this is home and everybody, from everywhere has a some price to pay. Until....until until until. Now is different. Now I'm scared. It's not fear for the house or the belongings, it's fear of the heartache and grief that came our way 3 years ago, the hurt that still lingers. Yesterday I talked about the tattoo that I want. The one that will be my symbol when I personally conquer the aftermath of Aug'05. I was feeling like I was getting there, thinking when Mampi comes home in December. Now here I sit, hands shaking, tears filling my eyes, I'm not as far down the road as I thought. Jim called an hour ago about hotel reservations, I told him I couldn't, he has to. I sit here and know that I should be gathering my pictures, home movies, paperwork, jewelry. I should be standing in line at Economical, getting my Chisesi's ham. Hell, Walgreen's for that fresh new perscription of xanax that I didn't quite know if I was gonna get filled, I know now.
~Just got off the phone with my child, gotta say, she sure knows how to work me. Smacked me upside the head and reminded me that worrying about this, this far in advance could be a good thing, learn from the past, better equipped to handle the future... LOL, guess that means to include the family recipe box when I gather vital family treasures cause this family is always gonna need eggnog and slime and philly delights whenever and wherever we gather, forever and ever, as long as we have each other, we'll be just fine.

Life Just Kinda Gets in the Way

I haven't been very attentive to my poor blogs but the last couple of months have been a bit of a rollercoaster ride. Kinda overwhelmed at how to catch up, snort, guess I'll just throw it down as it pops in my head...geez, kinda like I talk.

May 16...... Josh and Kristie's wedding.....

Or as we refer to it, Josh, Kristie and Kylie's wedding. Just beautiful and perfect, the service solemn and touching, the reception a joyous celebration. This was my favorite picture of all. Not only is it beautiful shot but Cori perfectly captured this little family's circle of love. I held it together pretty well until the minister pronounced them man and wife, they kissed and immediately, both turned and held their arms out to Kylie. Of course I have the other three offspring to keep things in perspective. Don't think any occasion is to important for them not to inject humor. It just seems to be guaranteed, if all the kids are together, they're laughing and picking on each other and in honor of it being Josh's wedding, they all ganged up and picked on him.

Jim and I having all our babies together always makes me happy but add to the mix the rest of the family and that just puts it over the top. Aunt Sis and Fult, Joe and Brenda and then our chosen family, Lenny&Yvonne, Jeammy and my precious Cori. Having no mother or sisters can be really rough if you don't have a Cori! While Jim ran crazy running "shuttle" to Slidell and seeing to Josh and the groomsmen (covering the hotel, checking tuxedos, taking them out for a late lunch), Cori and Samantha tag-teamed the proper care and keeping of "the mommy". Mamp covered the am shift (handling nerves and make up appts), then headed out to Slidell and handed my ass off to Cori. LMAO, only with Cori could I have squeezed in some scraptime before my child's wedding but putting the finishing touches on the guestbook was the perfect way to balance the nerves. And just to insure that I love her forever, she stepped into my search for a photographer (I firmly believe that the groom's family should have their own) and volunteered to cover that base as well. I can't even begin to say what an amazing job she did, only someone that knows us and loves us anyway could have captured these moments. On the flipside, only a trusted and loved member of our family could have caught us so relaxed and ourselves. I still have no clue how she pulled it off, especially with those killer shoes and dancing right along beside me but here's the proof . Guess I oughta add a sidenote to explain MY shoes, the day before the wedding, Yvonne had spent the evening doing my hair and when I walked she and Lenny out the door, one of the boards on the porch slipped away from the frame (still more K damage) and through the hole my leg went, adding insult to injury, the other end of the board flipped up and cracked me in the head, think the comedy routine with some fool stepping on the end of a rake and you've got the picture. LOL, the best part was the look on Lenny's face, scared the hell outta him! But no way in hell was I going to Puddleduck's wedding with bandages or a cast besides the fact that I shopped for weeks and covered Canal St to Kenner looking for the perfect shoes. I stuffed my swollen sausage foot in those damn heels and hung in there through the ceremony and formal pictures but the minute I hit our table, those suckers came off and on went the beaded flats that Mamp had bought me forever ago in SoBe. And just for the record, Jack Daniels works a helluva lot better than oxy. And-a yep, might have had a wee bit much to drink but kinda think it was damn fitting that Joshua Alan was totally sober but mom and dad had to be driven home. Maybe I shouldn't look at Josh and Kristie's wedding in such a lighthearted vein but they've been together for the past 5 years, share God's gift of Kylie, weathered storms (literally and figuratively) and seem to have helped each other grow up, the wedding seemed to almost be a recommitment. My hopes and prayers are for them to live a long and joyfilled life, building a strong harbor together, for each other and for Kylie. With that thought, I'll end for today, leave everything else for another day.

Husbands AND Renovations AND Weddings, OH MY!!!

Can I just tell ya'll how freaked out I am??? My "issues" are colliding and I'm not the happiest of campers. Even my constant refrain of gratitude for my blessings AND huge doses of 80's pop music doesn't quite drown out the fleeting whispers of my sanity slipping out the door.

Josh and Kristie's wedding is less than 2 weeks away. All the normal festivities and preparations cranking along...showers, parties, wedding attire for all. Yea, like I'm thrilled at the thought of that one. Didn't even bother to step foot in the mall, followed Heather's advice and went straight to Dami, "the best couturier in the city". No clue what the dress will turn out like but forever in her debt for introducing me to Promenade Fabrics. Stepping through the door made me feel like I was 5 again and Grandma was opening her jewelry drawer (LOL, she was a serious collector and never fiddled with a mere box). The colors and textures, beyond imagination, all presided over by the lovliest gentleman. Didn't take much persuasion to swipe my cc for an amount that I had planned would include the ENTIRE dress but that fabric was to damn lucious and like I said, no clue how it's gonna look but it's gonna FEEL FABULOUS. SO can't wait to take Samantha in there, hhmmm, maybe not the best idea though. And speaking of fabric, I had decided a couple of weeks ago that I was going to buy a couple of bolts of muslin, staple it at the ceiling and let it drape to the floor, poof, instant walls. I could go ahead and buy my main area rug, throw that down on the plywood floors and I could still host Josh and his groomsmen here to get ready for the wedding. Like they say, "the road to hell is paved by good intentions" and boy does that sum it up...shoulda' known when I got off the plane from my week in Nashville and was greeted by Jim with THAT smile on his face, yep, he found something else to tear out while I was gone, ALL the ceilings on the second floor
PLUS the undamaged sheetrock in the foyer. He tells me that he needed to tear out EVERYTHING so he could run all the lighting, wiring and cables so the house would be "state of the art", um, sure. Of course that also meant that I had a huge mountain of supplies parked in the middle of the house AND everything was covered in inches of sheetrock dust and bits of old insulation. Aaargggg, back to thinking that I have to book a hotel for Josh's wedding day, just hate to have to drag everything over to a hotel, plus it just doesn't "feel" right. They should be here at home, getting ready, goofing off, hanging out, just like they have a million times before, the way it should be, at HOME.

My frustrations kinda bubbled out last night. Last weekend Jim sat on the computer and laid on the sofa, swore he was doing the final touches on the lighting plans. This past Friday, he shows up at home waaaayyy earlier than usual. Foolish me, I thought he was planning on finishing the can lights. Naawww, he needed a nap. Saturday morning he "found" a book. The boys had been threatened, NO books for dad until the house is finished. Jacob swears he just forgot his book on the side of the tub but never the less, when Jim starts a book, he doesn't move until he finishes the book. Saturday, gone. Yet another party was scheduled in Josh and Kristie's honor yesterday. Popped a handy dandy xanax and figured I was well prepared for an afternoon spent with Hooch&Company. Think again Angel! Maybe with an IV of morphine I'd be prepared. New discovery... no food, one xanax and a constant 3 hour flow of sangria makes fake boobs, botox and gold chains peeking out of polyester hawaiian shirts much more tolerable. Oh and my meltdown? Came home, crawled into my fluffy bed, started to doze and here comes Jim. He needs me to come see what he's done...he wants to take down several of the can lights that were already installed cause he thinks he might have overdone it. Gee, I'd only been telling him that since we started the lighting phase BUT he wants to take down the ones I wanted and leave the ones I didn't!

Sigh, think Jim's in as over this as I am, maybe worse. He's a perfectionist, that seems to bode really well in his professional life but at home, he's married to me and that might be a tad frustrating. LOL, guess I might be a bit on the laid back side. Think it just comes from our backgrounds, snort, but that's a whole'nother blog entry. Suffice to say, his family moved to their lake house while the contractor remodeled, my dad went to our camp when my mother painted.

Are You My Mother?

Called my precious daughter to let her know that I had FedEx'ed a box of her mail to her. The conversation went something like this....
Oooohhh, what's in the box?
Your mail.
Nooo, what else?
Um, your mail and some evil bunny sticky notepads.
What goodies?
Um, your mail and the sticky notes.
Hubig's pies?
Um, no, just mail and sticky notes.
Zapp's potato chips?
Um, no, just mail and sticky notes.
Turbo Dog?
Um, no, just mail and sticky notes.
You're kidding?
Nope, not kidding.
ARE YOU MY MOTHER? What have you done with MY MOTHER? MY mother would NEVER, ever send out a box that wasn't stashed full of neccessities from home!!! I can't believe this!!!
Great, mother guilt started ringing in my head. This morning a box of Hubig's and Zapp's was overnighted to Chicago. Sorry, no Turbo Dog, wasn't going to foot the bill on that weight, bad enough that it had to be overnighted and an extra charge for Saturday delivery. No choice though, she heads out Sunday on a six week, cross country bus tour but she'll be fully stocked with Hubig's and Zapp's. Mother guilt is one helluva heavy load but I did include the following note to put some things into perspective for my darlin' child....

Dearest Firstborn Stormhole Child,

In an attempt to raise four half-blood redneck heathen children, I seem to have used up my quota on creativity, patience, kindness, optimism, spontaneity and sense of humor. Examples of early system overload would be:
- a linen Miami Vice suit, child’s size 6
- the maniacal following of the book, “Feed Me, I’m Your’s” (do you know how frustrating it is to fill an ice cube tray with a different toddler friendly food in each freaking compartment?)
- 5 weeks spent on a Miss Piggy costume that the 3 yr old diva then refuses to wear
- Stalking child’s hero, Tom Foote, for a photo op
- Homemade edible playdough
- Dance lessons, baton lessons, gymnastics lessons, ice skating lessons, modeling lessons, acting classes, art classes, computer classes…all by the age of 7.
- 4 NKOTB & 1 Tiffany (come ride the bee with Tiffany) t-shirts, need I say more?
- Reindeer bells ringing on the roof every Christmas Eve
- Peanut raisin rollups
- Acquiring Cabbage Patch doll on the black market
The preceding list being a brief synopsis of the grueling efforts put forth in my first decade of motherhood, approx age at this time…27 1/2. Also should be pointed out that aforementioned list was entirely focused on firstborn AND age 27 1/2 was my only experience with marijuana. Therefore, in the future please refrain from pointing out the
old grey bitch’s current shortcomings.

Your’s Truly,

Your MOTHER
The Old Grey Bitch

P.S.
Please note that you are very lucky, lacking the energy once used for evil, the outside of this box was NOT decorated with your 5th grade school picture. I thought of it, considered it, wanted to but took a nap instead. But do keep in mind, this is the mother that, much to my delight, horrified and embarrassed you at the 1990 Airline Park Talent Show. So your skinny butt better be careful who you poke with a stick…I know your secrets AND have the pictures!

What can I say?

Six months.
Six months since Jim made his announcement that he was now ready to address the 2nd floor storm renovations. The announcement came in true Jim fashion, he walks up the stairs one Saturday morning, checkbook in one hand, sledge hammer in the other and informs me that the "cabinet guy is on his way over". Just to make the announcement all the more charming... this had been deemed "commando potty training weekend" with Kylie (all efforts to potty train had met with resistance so Josh had requested the redneck approach, no bottoms during waking hours, making an "accident" of immediate concern to the little person involved AND not doing a helluva lot for area rugs, hence why the redneck approach was only possible at MY house) and I was still wearing my protective goggles from eye surgery that week with the vision kinda going in and out. It's a miracle "cabinet guy" didn't run for the hills within 5 minutes of stepping through the front door, I'm sure he's still kicking himself for not doing so when he had the chance. Years before the storm Jim had been wanting to redo the main living floor of our 60's split level. Guess he figured that 2 years of living with boarded up windows, mold spots on the ceilings and warped floors would soften me up to his vision...he was right. I didn't give a flying rat's behind what he did as long as I had a shot of erasing the harsh constant reminders of the "K" thing. Jim replaced the last piece of subflooring yesterday and put the riverside outside wall of my house back in sync. I pulled the celebratory steaks from the freezer and put the wine in the fridge, both had been waiting for this day, the end of Jim's "hands on" part of the renovation. Jim broke out a corona, plopped on the sofa with remote in hand (instead of a power tool!) and said "I'm going to enjoy this". Yea! I went and crawled in the bed with a book to enjoy the newfound quiet. HA! Didn't last long. Just as the book fell from my hands and my eyes closed for a nap... BAM! RIP! BOOM! I go flying upstairs. There he stands, sledge hammer in his hands, sheetrock lying about his feet, sheepish expression on his face, my one remaining untouched wall now fallen victim to my redneck's whim. Seems like as he sat and nursed that corona, that one remaining wall was more than he could handle. He tells me that he wanted to vacuum inside the wall, to get rid of the dust accumilation cause he thinks it will help my sinus problems. Um, yeah, sure Jim. To late for the steaks to be put back in the freezer but the wine was NOT opened.

part 2...Make that three weeks of crazy!

Whew, think this might possibly be the closest thing I've had to a normal Monday morning in a month. Of course Jerry and Jacob are both upstairs, Jerry working from home and Jacob in the tub (he swears he's going back to work tomorrow). They've both been suffering with the bronchitis like crud that I have but both of them being of the male gender, their's is SO much worse than mine and includes a constant litany of complaints...geez, just go to bed, I promise ya'lls throats won't hurt as bad if you just hush!

The new year has brought a new tour for Samantha. She was up for two but scored the one she really wanted, Stolli. Her first market is Miami, LOL, she just can't get away from the palm trees.

Jacob had a birthday. Celebrated as usual, lunch at Venizia's and then a stop at every freakin' electronics store in town, steaks for dinner and an ice cream cake. Since this was his 21st b'day, he seemed to feel compeled to do something different, totally different and out of character...like spend the night at a friend's house and get loaded. Thank God he had the intelligence to call me at midnight, tell me he had been drinking "a little" and was going to spend the night there. He came dragging in about 9:30 the next morning, green around the gills and headed straight for the bathroom, really sounded like a wee bit of retching going on in there, sure hope so, wouldn't want him to be denied any part of the COMPLETE experience.

And did ya'll catch it? Certainly one of the highlights of my holidays...Jerry got his hair cut. It's been over 4 years since he was released from the SuperCuts chair looking like Willy Wonka and swore off haircuts but think that Samantha's discovery of fabulous Billy (and my promise to foot the initial bill) gave him the guts to try again. It's so damn cute on him, even the receptionist and other client were blown away. And you know it had to be good if Jerry was happy with it and agreed that the difference was well worth the extra cost. I've actually tried to put off making this post so I could have a good "after" shot but he hasn't stood still long enough so we'll go with what we have. Of course you have to ignore the huge jawbreaker that he's got in his mouth but at least you get a general idea.